Getting Bitter by the Minute

I know this isn't the time for all this drama. I thought I could just whisk away the thought (and feeling!) from my system by making myself busy with acads and org. But I just ended up being guilty for I somehow already sacrificed both the latter for giving in to the drama.

I just don't know what's with me. What do I need? What do I want? Damn! Why do I care, and why most of all, now?

Guilt is inside me. I'm filled with guilt towards Kat, towards my parents (for they think I'm doing my best here) and towards myself because I know, I shouldn't be like this at all.

Kat, if you are reading this, I am sorry. I know, I am not doing my best. I know I am not exerting as much effort as you do for CE Week. I know you may have ill-feeling towards me (but I very well hope not). I am sorry. I am really trying my best to battle this bad feeling in me. The same thing Ivan told me last year, "Pag di ako gumawa, sabunutan mo na ako!" Please, please. Do that. I really need the push or I may be stuck forever here at the hillside.

Just like what Ate Rai concluded, when I am depressed or down, I like sleeping a lot more than usual. Yes. I like just sleeping or bumming around. Not talking much. I may be laughing, but I am not happy. And I am feeling this more than the last time I felt this. It is just so sad. When I can't do anything about this now but just give into it.

But I know I shouldn't. But I did. :(

I try my best not to sound bitter because I already admitted that I am. Being, sounding and showing bitter is too much over kill.

*****

ONE AND ONE-HALF WEEKS LEFT TO CE WEEK!

Goodbye to my money since I have to pay for the solicitation quota! damn. My mom would kill if she knew that I used my momey to pay for this instead of saving it or buying something better. Even if feel bad. T_T