I Am In Love.

I have been meaning to blog for sooo long but couldn't find the words to write.

It is finally sinking in my head that my college life is over. Not that I don't want it to end, just that, I don't want it to end... yet. But after seeing my grades posted in CRS (all of my subjects have passing grades), I couldn't help but finally admit that it is finally my college life's curtain call.

But my thoughts do not linger on the idea that I am already done with college. It may sound cliche but the eternal question "Where do I go from here?" is what has been occupying every cell on my brain.

Before graduating, I already have a vision of myself after 10 years. Some would say it is great that I finally figured out what I am going to do in the future. But for me, it is not enough. The bigger question for me is, How am I going to do it?

I suggested to myself different answers to this question. And hell, for a long time, I convinced myself that those are enough and those are all that I want. But then, from out of nowhere, I figured out something I want to do to achieve my goals.

The answer is not too weird nor out of this world but all I can say, it is not something that would have been expected to come from me. I, myself, felt weird after saying it loudly. The moment I realized that this is what I wanted, man, I had chills down my spine, fast heart beat, boost of excitement. I even felt that I am flushed. The only times I felt this was when I knew I got into UP and I finally decided no one's going to stop me from going to UP, and the few times I realized I was in love.

Yes, it felt like I fell in love. I couldn't stop talking about it. Ideas came rushing in. I was looking for every possible details about it all over, just like stalking someone I really, really like.

But just like love, I felt insecurity creeping down all over me. I don't have the confidence that I can do it, that this is really for me. Yes, just like love, I felt like I wasn't enough for this.

Pretty much like the times I had been in love, I told a couple of people about it. Hearing their opinions and asking for some boost. Just like being in love, I know whatever they say won't lead to the result I want (that is, to get the one or thing I love) but then, they would be of help in making me go through this. More than anything, I need the moral support.

Yes, I know, I haven't said what it was that made me feel like I fell in love. That is because, I won't tell until "we" end up together. It would just be a shock for everyone if the time comes and yes, I really, really do hope and pray it will. :)