which one is worse: crying yourself to sleep or crying the moment you wake up?
i would choose th former than the latter. then again, the latter was what happened to me. at 2pm, i woke up and then just cried. i feel so crappy and sad and well, pathetic for crying. and for that, i chose to lock myself in my room. buried my face on my pillow, crying, thinking of so many damn things over and over. no lights except from what the tv emanates.
i wish i know how to quit you. a line from Brokeback Mountain, that's my mantra. cliche but true. I want to quit. I really do. But the smallest of smallest amber of hope burns everytime i do want to quit. you're not making it easy for me, you know. actually, last night, you just made it harder.
and now, look where it has brought me? on my bed crying the moment my body realized life. i am actually not crying because of you. i am crying because it is killing me that i am still holding on when i could have just move on. i am crying because I have known the truth i have been dreading not to hear. i am crying because i think the hope i have been cradling just died. i am crying because i know i don't deserve you but i still chose to be stuck with you. i am crying because.....(argh.a perfect rhyme.mushy.giving me the creeps.)
i am really not a drama queen. i feel so pathetic about myself right now. damn.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
crap.
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7 comments:
Some wise words (yak wise words daw) from your bestfriend:
Naku ha, I'm starting to hate that person, whoever s/he is.
No one has the right to hurt you or make you feel like shit. Anyways, you don't deserve this because you're a wonderful person. I don't understand why some people wanted to hurt (deliberately or not) others, pero... I dunno, I guess that's how life works, even though it sounds nasty.
Mas nakukunsumi pa ko dito kesa dun sa wala kong kuwentang Research Methods class. XDDD Anyways, good luck sa iyo dear. PM or Offline message ka na lang kung me problema ka.
Akala ko ba you're not supposed to be "this" open sa blog mo? :P Oh well. Writing is theraphy. Hope everything turns out ok. *hugs*
you know, about the hope thing...having that little flicker of hope when you're about to quit. i have that too. and about losing it, and knowing that there's really really no hope pala, i know how that feels. :(
but it's all part of the whole system I think. just remember that you will get over it, eventually.
this'll probably not make you feel any better. but its worth a try. :) i hope you feel better.
(find another guy. lol)
to everyone, thank you for the encouraging words. and i know, i'm gonna be ok, eventually.:D
to gela, yeah. i don't deserve such craps in my life. di ko nga alam kung tong tao ko ang karma ko e.lol.
to vigile, yeah. i have this feeling we're on the same boat.pareho kasi tayo ng songs lately. suntok sa buwan and tensionado.and yes, it is hard to give up when there's this hope deep inside of you.
to alpha, i am not missing things naman i guess. with 3 siblings, i am lucky enough to have 15minutes of peace. luckily, they opted to play playstation earlier and i got my hours of pagkukulong.
the new guy? hmm. sabi nila if you wish for it, it won't come and if i don't, it will naman. wish ko na lang, may everything happen a little faster para hindi masyadong mahirap.:)
thanks everyone!:)
gagi. anong karma. me salot ka sa buhay mo, maniwala ka saken, ahaha. okay, I'm so mean. XDDD
Padalhan na lang kita ng chocolates kapag nagkatrabaho na ako after this schoolyear (next week naaaa! yehey!)
alpha, sana lang 2 lang controllers ng PS.besides di pwede iset-aside muna.kailangan mag-isip.and i know now what to do.promise.saka ayoko magpakita sa mga kapatid ko in bad temper.magkakagulo lang.lol.
gela, your chocolates would be of great help.lol.salamat ng marami bebang!hehe.:P
hahaha... parang i'm on the same ship levs... except that i'm starting to forget him because of george stults' good looks and great bod.. hahaha, at least cya, kahit di ko abot at imposibleng kame, matatanggap ko... pero yung isa kasi, alam mo na, nasa tabi lang, just a text away, yet di kame makapagusap.. mas masaket tanggapen na di pwedeng maging kaio pag within reach mo lang... sana naging star na lang cya at madajustify mo pa feelings mo.. hehehe
lol.nakakatuwa naman mga tao.eto na ata ang post kong may pinakamaraming comments.
aji, good for you!at least, you're moving on.:) sige, drool na lang tayo kay george stults!lol.
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